reading judy blume, le pastie de la bourgeoisie

il ya qu'el qu'un? (if you walk in the sun, i would be your shadow)

Sat, 16 Jul 2005 01:47:31 GMT

i think i missed the deadline for an art exhibit thing that i was going to enter. you see, ive been doing quite a lot of painting lately. i did a painting for meagan, i wish i could get in touch with her. if only she knew! this life.....maybe someday ill find my place, my nirvana, piece of mind; JOIE DE VIVRE! i dont know. im so confused, i dont even know what to feel.im not depressed (not in the normal sense anyway), im just detatched from everything. im in my own reality. its strange and i cant remember when exactly this hit me. probably i shouldnt mention what is making me feel this way, in combination with other things, not to some online community. i dont like attention THAT much. and i dont want to give people i do know the wrong impression? i guess. it just seems a bit bourgeois to write about drugs and drama and scary people scaring yourself and so on in a livejournal. doesnt it though? so, i casually walk out of that room where my emotions and inner thoughts vibrate, and close the door on them. is it too cynical of me to ask of you, if i can just lie still and peaceful? lucid and dormant? violent reaction,emotion...erased, or just dormant....? i really dont know where im going with this. i kind of just wanted to write in this because i havent in what feels like forever. just a slight whim. i would be out partying or something equally self destructive, but im sick and so have to stay in doors and take pills. god help me. so i wish i had somewitty, comical anecdote just for the fucking hell of it, but ive got nothing but a blank canvas. je m'excuse.

it looks as though i have track marks, but thats just marker.

(if that isnt funny well then fuck you0

emma

i've got those st. james infirmary blues...

Thu, 02 Jun 2005 07:02:11 GMT

well, since marcus wanted to know...

i am not dead or otherwise missing.

i would rather not talk about how shitty my life is, so ill abstain and tell y'all instead about how i am going to hereby exercise common sense and never get involved with guys again. ever. thats right, i am now a lesbian. marcus, remember mr right? he was holleys ex and she sabatoged our would be (well, my would be) relationship. i swear, that girl is so obnoxious, coming out of nowhere and trying to be ever so bohemian and spiritually enlightened and babbling on about her heroin use as if thats going to make us think shes cool. well, let me tell you miss thang. striving to be a junkie whore isnt going to get you anywhere, and trying to make me feel ugly and stupid and trying to ruin my life doesnt boost your karma incase you hadnt noticed. spreading the clap doesnt make you cool either. i dont mean to sound like a bitch, or immature, but trying so hard to make me and everyone else miserable isnt any more mature thatn anything else youve done so far. amen.

with that being said, i think that i am going to be a bitter person for the rest of my life, and if any of y'all are looking to change that, well honey! im right here. dont be shy now, y'hear?
just kidding.

to all of you who are my friends and whom i miss, but dont really get to see, call me if you want to hang out sometime. comment if you want my number because im not stupid enough to post it (wait, actually i am, it just ocurred to me that i dont want everyone having my phone number because i know im not that well liked. lol).

see you after i get my gold plates in.

emma

im a creep, im a weirdo, what the hell am i doing here?

Sun, 22 May 2005 00:33:16 GMT

ugh. i am so hungover right now. i met this guy yesterday, his name is joe, and he is like the male version of me, its awesome,and i think we should get married.

last night we went over to seans and fucking spent hours just venting to eachother and crying because it seems as though we never realise what we have until its gone, and we seem so pretentious feeling sympathetic even if we are sincere, afterwards. following in the footsteps of meagan, who has started this trend, i would like to dedicate a song to scout, whom i never got the chance to tell just what an unique, beautiful lady she was. i was just too busy being jealous and mean to let her know that i appreciated what she did for all of us in her own loud mouthed drunken stubbornly individual way. i hope she knew that withought me having to tell her because it was true.

Trina wears her wampum beads
She fills her drawing book with line
Sewing lace on widows weeds
And filigree on leaf and vine
Vine and leaf are filigree
And her coats a secondhand one
Trimmed with antique luxury
She is a lady of the canyon

Annie sits you down to eat
She always makes you welcome in
Cats and babies round her feet
And all are fat and none are thin
None are thin and all are fat
She may bake some brownies today
Saying, you are welcome back
She is another canyon lady

(for everyone who knew her even a little;)
ESTRELLA CIRCUS GIRL,
COMES WRAPPED IN SONGS AND GYPSY SHAWLS
SONGS LIKE TINY HAMMERS HURLED
AT BEVELED MIRRORS IN EMPTY HALLS
EMPTY HALLS AND BEVELED MIRRORS
SAILING SEAS AND CLIMBING BANYANS
COME OUT FOR A VISIT HERE
TO BE A LADY OF THE CANYON

Trina takes her paints and her threads
And she weaves a pattern all her own
Annie bakes her cakes and her breads
And she gathers flowers for her home
For her home she gathers flowers
And estrella, dear companion
Colors up the sunshine hours
Pouring music down the canyon-
Coloring the sunshine hours
They are the ladies of the canyon

god bless joni mitchell, and i hope that everyone realises right now that there is always something to be happy for in this our life and i for one realise that it is ridiculous to waste time hating people for petty reasons because all most of us want is a friend or a shoulder to cry on. that being said, i hope that everyone is having a good day.

Sun, 08 May 2005 03:44:52 GMT

today.

i got a new blazer at the gap, fla prices are awesome so i spent very little money on it. i also went to the beach and played with meagans little sister, she was great. tomorrow we are going to daytona with her to see meagans older brother bobby, whom i adore and his friend rob, who is puerto rican but whom i thought was bangladeshi. (long story short, i was drunk and asked him if he was bang..you get the point, and he was like, no, um, im puerto rican. so we took to calling him allah.) but anyway. i really dont have that much to write about. i will be sure to post the pictures online so y'all will know just how fly i look in a bikini. a black one, of course.

DONT TURN AROUND, DER KOMMISAR'S IN TOWN

emma.

Wed, 27 Apr 2005 23:35:47 GMT

i am so bored right now.

jen found my hat in (our) locker today. i had to stop and fondle it while someone was talking at me. it was fun. and then i left. sam came over and we made him drive us to mcdonalds. they changed it, so now there are these high chairs and i fell off.florida soon, im excited, meagan and i are going to kick people seats. i always wanted to.right now i am looking at my chronicles of narnia dvd box set, it is so cool, made in 1988, bbc and you should watch, because everything is so amazingly fake, its hilarious when aslan roars, it looks as though its being very poorly dubbed. i know, too inside. but anyway. i want to listen to savage garden right now. and my tooth hurts. ok im done, but im not going to pretend that anyone read this. BASTARDs, all of you.

emma.

"hey, i see you're wearin' a green dress, lemme guess, are ya irish?"

Sun, 17 Apr 2005 03:57:47 GMT

and live from new york, its saturday night.

tina fey is so hot.

but anyway.
i am so tired and i have no more cigarettes. damn.
last night was ok. went over to durkees with meg, mark videotaped us being idiotic, and we hung out with loraine, played with a kitten that we kidnapped and then proceeded to return out of guilt. i know, too inside. goulet. somehow i have that song from beauty and the beast, ("if gaston can't do it, nobody can!") while i would really rather be watching la belle et la bete. oh well.

i found a copy of the lute player, one of my favorite books from when i was a kid, its about richard the lionheart and his forgotton wife, berengaria of navarre. meg has taken to wearing my glasses on the regular. and gladly, i haven't been to therapy in quite a long time.

oh yes, and i hate, nay, i despise, dr phil.
that man is just as fucking credible as miss cleo.

emma.

i only like it in the dark, i didnt accidentally tell you that

Fri, 15 Apr 2005 13:28:20 GMT

ok.

i got a job.
yes, me. at the spectrum.

anyway.
i was really angry last night. why is it that all these guys that i like have to walk all over me and take advantage of the fact that yes, i am vulnerable and i am a nice girl. what the fuck. whatever happened to appreciation for the nice girls? we have the best sex. i am going to stop wallowing in self pity and just learn to stick up for myself, because i am not your doormat. that being said, i talked to rachael today about the tattoo i am going to get, its going to say 'shalom' in hebrew on my back. i know, too inside.

in two weeks i am going to be in florida with meg. its going to be awesome. hello, jumping in the ocean with hot underwear and guys, yes we're pulling a garden state.

i heart huckabees was hilarious.
i got back into my bbc obsession. i was reading cold comfort farm, the movie came out a while ago, it was too funny (it has kate beckinsale in it) - i suggest everyone check it out.

ohyeah and lets not forget BRIDESHEAD REVISITED. - "im under evelyn waugh...shhh!" "evelyn waugh? evelyn waugh was a man"

i am going to go to french class after spring break to see all my loves, so dont worry. i love you all. hold your applause.

emma

PLEASE READ THIS, its a bit important

Sun, 10 Apr 2005 00:25:20 GMT

ok.

well, for the benefit of clearing whatever ideas people have formed about me, i am going to make an effort to illustrate what ive been thinking.
i realize that everyone changes and that i am still growing up but i do think that i kinow myself and although i dont always know what i am doing, i make an effort to be true to myself. to be honest, i know its looked badly upon to drop out of school so to speak but that doesnt mean that you are going to end up some cliche example of teenage waste. i dont know what i want to do with myself, but ive never been able to deal with school for as long as i can remember. its time i stopped lying to myself and facing the fact that albany high isnt for me. ive tried, i have. but i can always go to school and in the meantime i can do what i want to do, and get a job and things like that. as soon as i turn 18 i am going to get out of albany. i know that sounds pretty flimsy, but at the moment, i actually have a good idea of where im going right at the moment. ive talked a lot with my parents and they are helping me to figure out what it is that im going to do with myself. but school right now isnt for me. i would much rather spend my time on things that i love, that i can cultivate. i am by no means an idiot and i dont waste my time getting trashed all the time or being some kind of pseudo bohemian socialite, because if you knew me, you would know that that just isnt me. i dont do drugs and although i have a lot of trouble being myself, i try. im not irresponsible and i can understand that a lot of people probably have this idea of me that im just blowing off everything and im going downhill and that i am going to turn into some bum drug addict school dropout who has no idea who she is. thats understandable. but please, its dangerous to assume things about people. only a very few people know me, who i am and know that im not going to turn out like that, and thats what is important to me, but more importantly, i know that that just isnt me. i have my faults just like everyone else and i can admit that. i dont realize all the mistakes i make and im sorry for what i do if it hurts or bothers people and i dont realize it, but whatever i end up doing or being, its because i was meant to. everyone learns, and i think that we all do things for a reason. so if somepeople think that i am making a lot of mistakes i can say that i totally respect your right to your own opinion and if you care about me and are concerned, than that is a lovely thing and i appreciate it. but i think that i am going to be ok. sure, im not perfect, but i know for the most part who i am even if i dont know where i am going. im young and i can get through it, i will persevere! haha. so i didnt write all of this to be a snob or to defend myself in response to comments, but just to generally clear things up. most people dont know me and never have, and although we are friends, you still have no idea who i am and thats fine, it isnt your job. but please dont make assumptions about me without knowing me or where i am coming from,because honestly, you have no idea, just as i dont of how thing are going to turn out for me. everyone has their own thing and i could criticize or exercise my right to an opinion about other peoples lives, but for the most part i wont because its not for me to judge. if i dont know you very well, than who am i to decide that someone is making a mistake? it bothers me that people can be so narrow-minded. im sorry, but just because i dont have the same ambitions as everyone else and that i do things differently than everyone else does not make me a bad or naive person. let me reinstate that i am not a walking teenage cliche, thank you. please dont judge me if you dont have a clue, it just makes things easier.

on a lighter note, today was beautiful and i got a couple of great books at the lasrk street bookstore today for, thats right, A DOLLAR. yesssssss.

(sorry about the really long entry)

emma

mother, tell your children not to look my way

Fri, 08 Apr 2005 13:24:45 GMT

oh gawd.

i am bored
i started reading who will run the frog hospital? again. excellent book, i suggest everyone read it.i have an interview at the spectrum on monday. i am v. excited, i waited a long time for them to call me.
i also have to go buy a new pack of cigarettes because i only have one left, which is sad. ive been working on my colette book, i have quite a good portion of it destroyed by my pseudo artistic exploits. i think i am going to go over to meagans house after this period because i hate this school and if i dont have to stay then i wont. although i kind of want to go to english so i can laugh with people (i love you lauren). im going to florida with meagan on the 30th. sweeet. although im sure we all know that ill never get a tan. ever.

was watching garden state yesterday, i love it when theyre at sams house and tetembe goes, "anyway", his accent is so funny.

emma

i feel the pain of everyone, and then i feel nothing

Mon, 04 Apr 2005 22:33:12 GMT

you just have to ask yourself,

what would jesus do?

i am so high right now, i dont even know whats going on

look at the girl as she takes on half the world

Thu, 31 Mar 2005 22:47:42 GMT

i love, in this order:

cigarettes
wine
christian slater
huge sunglasses that are 6 dollars at urban outfitters (sweet!)
perfumeria gal lip gloss
aveda shampure
ripped jeans
flip flops
baby ferrets
chinese slippers
beer
jesus and mary chain

and, last but not least....

BOBBY!

(meagans 24 year old dj brother who lives in nyc, who i am obsessed with- and the feeling is mutual - or at least thats what he says...) haha.

sorry, im fucking bored as hell.

emma

Sat, 26 Mar 2005 04:09:53 GMT

ooooooooooh i love christian slater.

ok yeah i was bored so i did this:

emma is my pal
emma is lost
emma is a cool single chick
emma is a royal pain
emma is an answering service want to know when you have a message?
emma is pleased with the gift
emma is starting to strip
emma is not impressed
emma is a meddlesome girl
emma is the last complete product of her maturity representing her genius
emma is far from normal
emma is the most likeable control freak in literature
emma is a dreamer
emma is the peak of her achievement; and one can see why
emma is a novel by jane austen
emma is more broadly comic
emma is reluctant
emma is a software application to forecast air quality on real
emma is one of those rare creatures
emma is quite beautiful and in the books jk rowling desc if you want to know more read the interview
emma is appearing next
emma is a farmer's daughter who likes to go barefoot in summer and sit in the branches of the old cherry tree any time of the year
emma is nineteen but she is dreading turning twenty
emma is a fucking psychotic
emma is left without a companion

those were just the ones that i liked.

we went to the mute show at the new age cabaret, and then proceeded to leave because we were tired.
i want to nyc tomorrow but i dont thinki can.

ok im really fucking bored.
and i wish nick would stop calling and that isaac would get over himself and yeah.
end of rant.

sorry, i have nothing better to do.

emma.

scatterbrain, you've been crying in the rain

Thu, 24 Mar 2005 15:14:39 GMT

KYLE, JUST SAY NO TO EMMA WILLARD!

Wed, 23 Mar 2005 14:32:30 GMT

today.
i am going to write a list of books that i recommend.

lizard by banana yoshimoto

stones from the river by ursula hegi

hustler by Larry Flint (marcus)

a clockwork orange by anthony burgess (marcus)

lolita by nabokov

five people you meet in heaven by micheal albon (marcus)

the moon and sixpence by e. somerset maugham

la fin de cheri by colette

war and peace by tolstoy

the idiot by dostoyevsky

slammerkin by emma donahue

The Motorcycle Diaries by "che" guevara (marcus AND emma)

streetcar named desire by tenessee williams

housekeeping by marilynne robinson

whos afraid of virginia woolf? by edward albee

oranges are not the only fruit by jeanette winterson

a spy in the house of love by anais nin

the enchantment of lily dahl by siri hustvedt

envy by yuri olesha

ok.
take my advice and check out some of these.

emma

candy cane walks down, to build a bonfire, to break my fall

Tue, 22 Mar 2005 18:29:10 GMT

today is a really boring day.

going to work on costumes after school.
i finished my painting last night, i dont know what to think about it.

also i want indian food.
mmmmm

and cigarettes.
yes, today i am going to go buy some cloves.
good good.

emma

tastes like popsicles in the summer

Sun, 20 Mar 2005 01:00:32 GMT

haha. marcus, i copied off of you. (sorry)

I'm a Fabulous Faggot! I’m the epitome of over the top breathtakingly extravagant faggot chic. I dance like a big queer demon, although I am more concerned about being seen than actually enjoying myself. I probably wear feathers. Jesus Christ.

What kind of Faggot are you?
Brought to you by Pushing Through</a>

ok so i hung out with isaac today,it was cool. im really tired though. ....hehe.
so anyway. i finished my painting last night. i feel accomplished.

emma

saved by the bell

Thu, 17 Mar 2005 16:18:58 GMT

ok.

so today started off alright i suppose. i went and bought cigarettes with claire and we had to get some dude to get them for us because the fucking paki guy took them back when i didnt have an id. dude. if there arent any cops around then why the fuck cant i have any cigarettes? anyway.

i applied at the spectrum and the manager seemed really interested so maybe theyll keep me in mind for when they are hiring? cross your fingers! and i applied at bombers, the guy working was marasols roommate and he was like, just beg for the job like your going to die if you dont get it. so i guess thats what im going to have to do because i really want a job and i am not fucking working at target or anywhere like that. im going to go hand in my application at the co op tomorrow because i want to work there too. oh look at me, so motivated. yeah right.

theres a military guy in trhe college center right now. what the fuck. this is a bit surreal. sometimes i feel like im living in a movie, think ghost world. everyone in this high school is a fucking caricature of themselves (yes, that includes me). oh well, i suppose it doesnt matter all that much.

this entry is really stupid, i have to admit. but then what can you expect from something written out of sheer boredom?

oh, and yes people, I AM GOING TO DRAMA TODAY.
please hold your applause.

emma.

you better wise up, janet weiss (when we made it, did you hear a bell ring?)

Mon, 14 Mar 2005 15:50:08 GMT

oh gawd.

so once again i am not in science, im in the college center. i know, im cool.today i have to go to the daily grind, the lark street bookstore and the spectrum to pick up job applications because i am, obviously, in need of a job. but i want a good one, because, HELLO!, im cool.
so anyway.

yeah. i really have nothing to do right now. i forgot to bring a book and although i want to go have a cigarette, its too cold. actually i want a clove, but, as usual, I HAVE NO MONEY, which equals, i need a job. see? we're following a pattern here. i wish it were spring now. so then i could wear whatever i wanted and not have to worry about frezing my ass off, like flip flops. i miss them! when my sister went to emma willard all my friends were like, "oh yeah, emma wore flip flops all year round. she never took them off, and she got yealled at all the time because her ripped jeans werent allowed because of the dress code." yeah that was me, the number one badass advocate. im going to come visit all of y'all soon, ashley and heather and hayley and all of you psychotic lesbian bitches. i miss you.

yeah.

so, tangents aside, im kind of hungry. and i think im going to go into the library and find something good to read. wish me luck.

pssst! remember dan bradley? white chocolate?

emma.

Fri, 04 Mar 2005 01:52:15 GMT

someday, i am going to figure out how to

a) get mattie v to like me

b) avoid alcohol poisoning

c) take a shower (by myself)

if you guessed c then you are...

sadly, correct.

emma.

you're not a teenager, so dont act like one, sure she is a heartbreaker, but does she have one?

Tue, 22 Feb 2005 21:45:30 GMT

oh wow.

last night i got so drunk and high that i was sicker than i can remember being for a long time.

im such a loser. haha.

anyway, might go out to some thrifts with meg later, otherwise ill just be here watching her talk on the phone.

emma

Tue, 22 Feb 2005 03:25:32 GMT

oh hell.

its really boring here at duncans. i hope we can get dunk sooner rather than later.
i love how it is so boring the first time i go out in days, but i love meagan. (even though shes a whore)

emma

new slang and the curse for this town, were all in my mouth

Fri, 18 Feb 2005 19:16:11 GMT

oh gawd.

im sick.

but i didnt have to go to school today which is cool. i think i have aids or something, and i have to go to the doctor soon. yuck.
luckily, there is no school for a whole week, so i dont have to worry about that shit for at least a little while.

annnd meg and i might go up to nyc, to see bobby, her uber fabulous brother and my fantasy extraordinaire. i love you meg. i wish i could see you tonight but i have to stay home and be sick. i just want to get out of here, im feeling better and i want to go play in the sunshine. but no. oh well, i guess ill watch bbc and pass out.

emma.

daaria, i wont be soothed, smoothed over like milk, silk, a bedspread oor a quilt..

Wed, 16 Feb 2005 01:01:53 GMT

ok i was bored so i did this, not that i expect anyone to care about the depths of my soul...

just kidding.

READ IT BITCHES!

BASIC...
Piercing = none
Tattoos = not yet
Height= 5'3
Shoe size = 6
Hair color = dark brown
Siblings = 2 sisters, one brother

LAST...
Movie you rented = eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
Movie you bought = lost in translation
Song you were listening to = daria (cake)
Song that was stuck in your head = ballroom blitz (misfits)
CD bought = garbage: beautifulgarbage
CD you listened to = rocky horror picture show soundtrack
Person you've called = meg
Person that's called you = laur
Person you've beat up = myself
Person you were thinking of = brian from the concert

DO...
You have a crush on someone? = unfortunately, affirmative
You wish you could live somewhere else = heck yes
You and your parents get along? = no
You think about suicide = all the time
You believe in online dating = hell no
Others find you attractive = how the hell would i know
You want more piercings = yes, lip
You like cleaning = nah
You like roller coaster = hell no
You write in cursive or print = print

FOR OR AGAINST...
Long distance relationship = whatever you want really
Suicide = for
Killing people = against
Teenage smoking = yes
Driving drunk = dont care
Gay/lesbian relationships = Yes
Soap operas = sure

HAVE YOU...
Ever cried over a boy/girl = all the time
Ever been shipped away because you caused trouble = yes
Ever been cheated on = yes
Ever cheated on someone = yes
Ever been suspended = no
Ever lied to someone = Yes
Ever been slapped = yes
Ever been arrested = not yet
WHAT...
Shampoo do you use = aveda rosemary mint
Shoes do you wear = converse, chinese mary janes
Are you scared of = being used, being hated, people thinking im ugly

NUMBER...
Of times I have been in love? = 2
Of times I have had my heart broken? = 2
Of hearts I have broken? = none that i know of
Of girls/boys you have gone out with? = im not vain enough to keep count
Of girls I have kissed? = too many
Of boys I have kissed? = too many
Of girls/boys you've obsessed over who wouldn't date you? = a lot
Of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: never
of scars on your body: i havent checked
Of bruises on your body? = " "
Of things in my past that I regret? = everything

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...
Pretty – no
Funny – i try
Hot – nah
Friendly – not especially
Ugly – i wouldnt go that far
Lovable - probably not
Caring - sometimes
Sweet – nah
Dorky – pretty much
Humble- ummm

FAVORITE...
actor/actress: greta garbo
Candy: skor
Cereal: kashi
Chewing gum: spearmint
Color(s): green, blue, BLACK
Day of week: friday
Least favorite day of week: sunday
Jewelry: my ring
Special skills/talents: none that i know of
Trampolines or swimming pools: no

|| Person who last.. ||
Slept in your bed: im not telling!
Slept in a bed with you: my stupid fat cat
Saw you cry: no one
Made you cry: sam
You went to the movies with: my glasses
Yelled at you: no one

|| Have you ever.. ||
Said "I love you" and meant it?: yes
Ran away: yes
Been chased by the cops: no
Gone out in public in your pajamas: who hasn't?
Kept a secret from everyone: too many
Cried during a movie: sure
Planned your week based on the TV Guide: no
Been to New York: Yes
Been to California: no
Hawaii: no
China: no
Canada: yes
Europe: no
Asia: no
South America: no
Australia: no
Wished you were the opposite sex: no

RANDOM...
What time is it now?: 7:49
Apples or bananas?: bananas
Blue or red?: blue
Wal-Mart or target?: TARGET...wal-mart is a bad word
Spring or Fall?: SPRING
What are you gonna do after you finish this?: go home
What was the last meal you ate?: cigarette
Are you bored?: no
Last noise you heard?: the cd player, playing misfits...BALLROOM BLITZ
Last smell you sniffed?: cigarette

|| Friendship/Love ||
Do you believe in love at first sight?: yes
Do you want children one day, if so, how many? no fucking way
Boys name(s): nikolai, peter,kyle
Girls name(s): fiona, amelie, meg,kyle,lior,mary jane
Most important thing(s) to you in a friendship is: hell if i know
|| Other Info ||
Criminal record?: none
When was the last time you were drunk?: a few hours ago
When was the last time you got high: yesterday
do you speak other languages: French
last book you read?: war and peace, peony
Name some of your favorite things in your bedroom?: my art supplies, my bookshelf
How do you vent your anger?: i cry
Worst feeling in the world: that you are alone
Who you love: meg, laur
Who you miss: sam

|| You ||
Nickname(s): emma jane
How old do you look?: 17
How old do you act?: 20
Glasses/Contacts: glasses
Braces: none
Do you have any pets?: one fat cat
Do you get embarrassed: sure
What makes you happy?: reading, being involved in sexual enterprises
|| Finish the sentence: ||
I Love to... read, paint, be alone
I Miss... the person who loves me
I Wish... that i was dead
I'm Annoyed by... idiots
I Want... someone to love me
I Would Never... never say never
I would Rather... cry
I Am Tired of... being alone

if you read this, youre an idiot.

emma.

i smoke your brand of cigarettes and pray that you might give me a call

Tue, 15 Feb 2005 15:41:42 GMT

ok so i finally remembered the soundtrack for colemans class.

and i have to go to the dentist tomorrow, which is not pleasant at all, considering coleman isnt going to be here and i could be doing something more worthwhile.

oh well.

last night i went to megs and i left because she was doing things and i felt like an idiot being kicked out of her room, i mean, how bad am i supposed to feel about being single? its not fair! why doesnt anyone like me too? what the hell is wrong with me. usually i wouldnt care, but seeing them together all the time just makes me feel worse. ok i had to get that out.

yeah and then i went home and read and proceeded to pass out until this morning, i got home at 7. thats a long time. oh, sleep deprivation.

ok i really want to go smoke a cigarette and alexis is out of it. i love you alexis. jen is here too. i love jen, but i need my wig. haha.

emma.

i look up from my vermouth on the rocks...

Mon, 14 Feb 2005 15:58:46 GMT

oh gawd.

i am siting here in the college center, and pondering what to do, because i forgot the soundtrack again for colemans class. fuck. oh hedwig....

i could just not go.... but thats a bad idea, i never go to that class as it is. however, if i do go, hes going to bitch at me about wasting my talent and so on and i dont want to deal with it today.
my sister has a really nice purple shirt on today, the one i keep asking her to let me borrow and her reply is always, "its cara's, i have to give it back to her tomorrow!" then why are you wearing it today kyle? and why are your highlights white? just kidding.
all i have to say to kyle and lior is......HEY GIRLS! ("i really just dont like her, she gets on my nerves, i mean, we're still best friends and all but...")

looks like meg is going to get back together with you know who. and other people are engaged. and me? i get cut just in ime for valentines day! just kidding, i dont really care that much anymore. but still. phone call breakups are just lame.
i have garbage silence isgolden stuck in my head.

healy looked at my book and told me that i was extremely neurotic. well, i isnt as if hes the first to come to that conclusion.

i need a cigarette.

emma